Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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