I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
