sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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