You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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