Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
