Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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