Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize