Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
