bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
