The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We left the knife in your bed.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
