dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
