My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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