you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
