thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
