I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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