Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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