i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
