you guys were way drunker than both of me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
