what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
