Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
