you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize