god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
