I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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