I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
