I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
