Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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