then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
