And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
