Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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