You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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