you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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