So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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