I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i think my mom watched the whole time
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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