Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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