ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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