At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So apparently I’m into choking now
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