One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just threw up on my dentist
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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