I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
