He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
