he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
