At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize