Old men and throwing up are my life now.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
