the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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