got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I think my moral compass just broke
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