he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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