i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
