eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
