I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
