so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
