i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
