It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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