I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
