Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
