i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
