so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
