We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize