I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
