Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
