a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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