Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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