After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
