Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
