If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize