I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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