if i can run in heels then i can drive
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
