Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
