girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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