I didn't shave. On purpose
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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