And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
