Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
