so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
