Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
