Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I don't deserve a penis
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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