I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
