her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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