Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
