I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
