I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
