So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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